You have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Now what? What does this mean for your future? How will this disease change your life? A better question may be, how are you going to wrap your mind around this? As with any diagnosis, you must first come to terms with your disease as a part of setting an active plan for treatment. This article is for the purpose of helping you come to terms with your disease.
When dealing with a chronic illness, especially one with an element of chronic pain, there are several thoughts and traps that you must know about. I believe that there are certain stages of this process that most people go through, but there is no “right” way to deal with your diagnosis, and there is no point A to point B trajectory that you must follow. It is a different process for each individual. It is almost always a long process that can take several years. With that in mind, this article will deal with some of the things that you may experience in your process.
It’s Not Fair
As you start to come to terms with your disease, you will certainly come to the point when you feel like “why me?” or “this isn’t fair.” This is a totally natural reaction to your situation. You are right, it is not fair. There is no rhyme or reason to why you have this disease. However, trying to determine why you have this pain, instead of another more deserving person, is a thought process that will not serve you. This is not your fault or the result of some action that you performed in the past, and there are surely more deserving people out there. However, casting blame and pointing fingers will not provide a moment’s respite for you. The simple, cold, and “mean-sounding” fact is that it did choose you. This is your reality now. A more healthy approach than asking “why me,” or “why not them”, is to ask instead “what can this experience teach me?” I can see the eye rolling and hear the judgmental laughter already. This sounds ridiculous. This disease is an enemy and robbing me of my life. Why would I allow it to tech me anything? It is not a normal human reaction to look at things this way, but changing your perception of this disease is one of the most powerful tools that you have to help you come to terms with your disease.
My Life is Over
In some regard you are right. The life that you knew is over, but your time of life on this planet is not over. Your task is to determine what your life looks like now. You may not be able to do all of the things that you used to do, but you can begin to assess your limits to see what you are capable of. It is important that you begin to find the parameters that you are able to operate in. It is tempting to lay in bed and feel sorry for yourself, and I spent a long time doing exactly that. That is wasted time that I will never get back. You can save yourself from wasting months or years in the same way. Instead, begin recreating your life around the things that you can do. Focusing on what you can do, instead of what you can’t do, may seem like a slight distinction, but it changes the focus from negativity to positivity . Keeping a focus on positive things can make a huge difference, and can help you come to terms with your disease.
What Will Others Think?
Weak, Lazy, incompetent, broken, and on and on. Modern humans can get so caught up in what others think of them that it begins to cause depression and anxiety. As young people, most of us get to a point where we decide to be individuals, and we don’t care quite as much about what others think of us. However, there is something about physical disability that is different. You can be an individual that is not concerned with the thoughts of others, but when you are physically limited you begin to feel worthless. You can not work as hard, cook for the family, run the errands, etc. You need help. For many people with physical limitations, you must learn to be honest about who you are and where you stand. You must be honest enough to ask for help when you need it. You need to get past caring what others think.
For years, if I wanted to go to the store I had to use one of those motorized carts. Without it, I couldn’t last for more than a few minutes in the store. Since I was a heavy person (because of the chronic pain), I would get those looks from people that thought that I was disgusting or lazy. My mistake was that I took it personally and started to believe them. Once I looked at myself honestly, and got real with myself about my capabilities, I began to not care what people thought of me. This process is difficult because our society likes to use shame as a means of behavior modification. Dr. Wayne Dyer used to say, “what you think of me is none of my business.” Once I realized that the only person that I have any control over is myself, I started refusing to let others define me. They did not know me, did not have all of the information, and were not on the other side of my mirror. I was the only one who knew myself and my circumstances well enough to judge me.
Who am I now?
There is every reason to have an identity crisis after a diagnosis like Fibromyalgia. If you can’t be the person that you have always been, then you have to wonder who you are going to be now. However, the answer is that you are still you. The decision that you must make is if you are going to be a better or worse version of yourself. Are you going to choose to be bitter, cold, angry, negative, depressed person wasting away and dragging others down? Or, are you going to chose to be a fighter? Dr. Dyer has also said that the way that pain changes you is up to you. It can make you bitter, or it can make you better. When people choose to fight, and refuse to let pain or disease define them, they are almost always stronger as a result. This goes back to asking what the disease can teach you. Chronic pain has taught me to be strong mentally and physically. The decision of who you are going to be is totally up to you.
I hope that this helps you come to terms with your disease. By focusing on the positive instead of the negative, looking for what you can learn from the experience, getting over what others think of you, and deciding to fight, you can come through your pain a stronger and better person. The last thing to remember is to give yourself a break. Not everything is so serious and dire, though it may seem that way at times. It is ok to break down. You do not have to be a rock all of the time. Give yourself grace, and allow your process to unfold as you need it to. Guilt will not give you the results that you want.
Comments