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There’s no question that fibromyalgia is a challenging illness. It affects your health and functioning, but it affects your relationships almost as much. One in four people with fibro say that their partner or spouse doesn’t understand the illness; half said their illness damaged a current or past relationship. Here’s how it affects your relationships and a few tips for how to minimize its impact.
Unpredictable Symptoms and Timing
One of the most frustrating aspects of fibromyalgia is that it makes it hard to plan events in the future. You never know from one day to the next if it will be a bad pain day or if you’ll be feeling more functional. Many partners and spouses lose patience with the unpredictable nature and timing of when your symptoms will be bad.
Impact on Sex Life
Pain and fatigue are the most common fibro symptoms for the majority of people. When these symptoms are at their worst, it makes physical activity uncomfortable, if not impossible. Not surprisingly, this also makes it difficult to maintain an active sex life. Some partners and spouses may not be very understanding of the fact that your pain will make you feel like having sex less often and may feel personally rejected.
Suffering in Silence
Relationships are built on intimacy, which requires honesty and open sharing. Many fibro sufferers fear that their partners will think they’re exaggerating their symptoms, so they may choose to suffer in silence. This may create distance between the fibro sufferer and their partner or spouse which can ultimately have a negative effect on the relationship.
Improving Communication
All relationships need to have a foundation of good communication. But when one partner has a chronic health problem like fibromyalgia, it will make bad communication patterns even more obvious and destructive. However, establishing good communication skills can make a huge positive difference in your relationship, too. Set aside a specific time when you can talk to your partner so that you can communicate your needs. Plan a time when your partner is likely to be relaxed and reschedule if you’re experiencing “fibro fog” at the moment, which can impact your thinking and communication. Instead of having a list of complaints, come prepared with a list of concrete suggestions of things they can do to help you. Many partners and spouses do want to help but may feel helpless when they don’t have specific guidance.
Helping Caregiver Burnout
Even the most dedicated and understanding partner can find it overwhelming and exhausting to be a caregiver for someone with a chronic illness. If your partner or spouse is spending a lot of time helping out with running errands or doing extra work around the house, make sure they get an occasional afternoon to themselves with friends or to do fun activities to help them relax.
Fibromyalgia may have a major impact on relationships, but it is something that can be overcome with good communication and a compassionate partner. Be honest about your needs and find time to connect with each other.
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