Image: Gajus / Shutterstock
A recent Instagram post by actress and Hollywood mogul Lena Dunham addressed the concept of “sick-shaming.” Dunham had to cancel a Thanksgiving weekend book signing event due to illness. A fan responded to the cancellation on Twitter, stating, “no offense but you’re too sick to sit and sign books? I was back at work 6 days after a c-section.” Dunham originally thought the post was funny, but after mulling it over, gave a passionate response, adding, “I really contemplated how dark it is that our culture prizes these speedy recovery narratives because guess what? They’re actually ways to keep women from feeling f—— pissed that they don’t have proper maternity leave or medical and family care resources.”
Whether you’re a woman dealing with poor health resources or not, Dunham is spot-on in assessing that our society values a so-called speedy recovery. Men and women alike are expected to either push through poor health or deal with it very swiftly. Consider how few sick days even large companies provide. With fibromyalgia, there are never enough sick days. Throw in a family and kids who get sick and need to be cared for, and many fibro patients find they are forced to quit work all together. And what’s worse is that we live in a very individualistic society, meaning that we do not work together collectively for the good of the group as happens in a tribe. And so we are isolated, left to fend for ourselves and usually without the help of friends and family.
Well try this on for size: asking for help is the responsible thing to do. Taking care of yourself is responsible because caring for your well-being is a way of caring for the well-being of others. Specifically, when your fibromyalgia has you down and you really want and need help, allowing it takes a load of anxiety and tension off of you, which can shorten the duration of your symptoms. And when you invest in your well-being by asking for help, it is a simultaneous investment in the world around you. Because when you feel better, even if it’s just emotionally, that feeling spreads in multiple ways to your family, friends, and the community. Furthermore, most people want the opportunity to contribute because it shows they are wanted and needed, so granting others the gift of helping you only continues the theme of spreading well-being beyond your four walls.
Even if you’re not dealing with fibromyalgia, Western culture seems to have all the answers, don’t they? If you just do this exercise regimen, just eat this food or avoid that one, just go to this school, just take this pill, just meditate for a certain amount of time each day and in the right way, then you’ll be a success. If you don’t follow the prescribed courses of action, it’s your own fault if you suffer in some way. And in order to not look like a failure, you are expected to “fake it till you make it” and constantly wear a smile to show that everything is okay. But what a remarkably unhealthy way to live under so much pressure! How do I know that? Because it is estimated that 75-90% of all primary care physician visits are for stress related issues. Think about that for a moment. Just look at how many people you know, have connected with, or read about that suffer from stress-induced fibromyalgia alone.
Speaking straight, fibromyalgia sucks. It hurts. It’s exhausting. In a society that demands its own idea of perfection, fibromyalgia is the red-headed step-child of health. So you are immediately set up to feel like a failure and asking for help just intensifies the vulnerability factor. Your health seems out of control, so you feel weak or as if you have failed somehow because you need assistance. But these are all lies: perfection, failure, vulnerability, control… these are merely constructs to empower some and subjugate others. The only place they exist is in our minds, not in reality.
Well guess what, fibro family? Society doesn’t need to dictate how you feel about your health and vulnerability. Take it back! You may not be able to control all of your symptoms, but you can take charge of your perceptions by creating new patterns and ways of thinking. As Mike Robbins, a motivational speaker, coach, and author explains regarding asking for help, make requests instead of demands. Don’t respond with anger or irritation, rather be easy to support and generously give your support to others. Asking for help takes courage. Show your strength by expressing your weakness because you are enough, perfectly sufficient in the whole of your being.
Comments