Why some long distance relationships don’t work when the couples are finally reunited

A new study from the University at Buffalo has reinforced the idea that in romance, what we want and what we think we want aren’t necessarily the same thing.

According to findings published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, distance can influence attraction in that it can actually change people’s romantic preferences, Futurity reports.

For example: You might like the idea of someone who’s smarter than you, but you might not actually find intelligence that’s superior to yours to be attractive.

“We found that men preferred women who are smarter than them in psychologically distant situations. Men rely on their ideal preferences when a woman is hypothetical or imagined,” said Lora Park, lead researcher for the study and an associate professor at the University’s psychology department.

However, “in live interaction, men distanced themselves and were less attracted to a woman who outperformed them in intelligence.”

Absence does not make the heart grow stronger

While other studies have shown that similarities between two people can affect their attraction to one another, this research suggests that distance is another important factor in attraction.

“It’s the distinction between the abstract and the immediate,” Park says. “There is a disconnect between what people appear to like in the abstract when someone is unknown and when that same person is with them in some immediate social context.”

The study, which is actually a combination of six separate studies, examined 650 young adults and asked questions about hypothetical partners. They then began observing their interactions with others in a real-life setting.

“In each case, how much you like someone or how much you are attracted to them is affected by how intelligent that person is relative to you and how close that person is relative to you,” said Park.

The researchers say that while these studies focus on romantic attraction, the findings may also be indicative of people’s behavior in other social situations.

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Comments 1

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