You know those nights. You’re hanging out with your better half – – watching a movie, drinking wine, cuddling on the couch — then they pop the question.
“Honey, can you rub my back? Just a little? It was a hard day at work. …”
The wine makes you agreeable, so you try your best. You dutifully rub, squeeze and try to work out those knots. But in a few minutes, your arms are tired, your back is sore and your cuddly other just isn’t satisfied.
So how do you learn to give a massage without causing yourself pain?
“You start with demystifying the whole process … recognizing the body as an electromagnetic field,” said Phillip Kessler, a couples massage instructor at the New Mexico Academy of Healing Arts, who has taught couples how to rub each other the right way for two years. “When someone touches us it feels better than us touching ourselves — it’s because their electromagnetic field is caressing us.”
Learning basic massage techniques for both clothed and unclothed occasions benefits couples because once they learn the correct techniques — which maximizes benefits for the recipient and minimizes stress on the masseuse — they can give each other “mini- massages” throughout the day, Kessler said. He added couples who know some massage techniques can give each other relief for minor injuries, daily stress and “just to be nice.”
He said he teaches people to focus on how to release tension in their partner’s arms, legs, hands and feet and to use compression and percussion techniques on the torso.
Learning about body and hand position, hand-strengthening techniques, oils or massage creams and creating a soothing environment can make giving and getting a massage a more relaxing experience.
Nodia Brent-Lux, a yoga teacher at Body spa, said couples massage is important because many people forget to use nonsexual touch.
“Touch releases growth hormone. It keeps us young. But later in a relationship, the only time people touch each other is when they’re involved in sex,” said Brent-Lux, who organized a one-day couples workshop at the spa that includes yoga, a couples massage lesson by Kessler and a “compassionate communication” session with Richard Fiske, a couples counselor.
Kessler, who has about five couples per semester in his class, said partners who used to be self-conscious about touching each other’s bodies learn confidence in his class, which can rekindle their sensuality and mutual trust.
Most of Kessler’s clients are people in their 40s and 50s.
“Learning massage extends one’s repertoire and range leading to the sexual field,” he said. “But learning massage is also a function of maturity. As we age we have more aches and pains. This is a way to deal with it.”
Couples massage — where two people have a massage simultaneously by trained therapists in the same room — is available at several local spas. Couples massage lessons are also available at area spas but are harder to find.
To learn more about couples massage or to take a lesson, call Kessler at 982-3457.
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