Image:danm12/shutterstock
Dating is challenging in the best of circumstances. You have to try to blend your interests with another person and learn about all the little things that make them tick. You have to learn if you even really like another person by gradually opening up to them and seeing if they’re trustworthy. But dating is even more challenging when you have a chronic illness like fibromyalgia. Here’s how you can enjoy the simple joys of dating while also managing your fibromyalgia.
Be Honest about Your Struggles
Fibromyalgia is something you live with every day. It’s impossible to hide it and choosing not to talk about it isn’t honest. When you begin a new relationship with someone, you want to create emotional intimacy with them. The only way you can create true intimacy is by letting your guard down and showing who you really are. The best way to reveal something like this is little by little as someone earns your trust.
Don’t Make Your Illness the Main Focus
At the same time, even though you want to share your struggles and be honest, it’s important that you don’t become defined by your illness. Remember the interesting, vibrant person you were before your diagnosis gave you new limitations. You’re still that same person deep down. Although your illness does limit you, it doesn’t change the fact that you are fun and interesting. Don’t let your illness overshadow your best qualities.
Explain that Your Moods Aren’t Personal
Most people with fibromyalgia try to minimize their symptoms and keep from showing them to the world. Still, it’s hard to fake it when you’re in pain. Be honest with your partner and explain that sometimes you may seem grumpy if you’re hurting. It’s important that they know that you’re not disinterested or upset with them.
Choose Outings that Won’t Trigger Symptoms
Most people choose to be a little more adventurous when dating so that they seem like a good sport. While being open-minded is always useful in a relationship, you need to respect your limits when you have fibromyalgia. If you know that something is going to push your physical limits to a point where a flare is likely, you need to speak up. Opt out of the extreme sports and the all-night rave. It’s okay to be a bit of a homebody and prefer quieter evenings. Your ideal date needs to be able to accept that your wild adventures need to be toned down a bit.
Let Them Help
The plus side about disclosing the fact that you have a chronic illness like fibromyalgia is that it weeds out the jerks pretty quickly. If your new partner offers to give you a massage after a day trip that left you feeling worn out or wants to rub your shoulders on a day that you feel exceptionally tired, by all means you should say yes. People don’t offer to help if they really don’t care, and it generally makes people feel good to be able to help someone else.
Comments